Just Pull Up

There is something about Martha’s Vineyard that reminds me of how we used to live. Not the restaurants, the beautiful houses, or the beach. It’s the community on the back end. It’s the porch parties and potlucks. The gatherings on the beach with family and friends (old and new). The casual impromptu dinners that somehow turn into hours of laughing, trash-talking over spades. It’s giving the feeling of just pull up. Come over. Bring a dish. Bring a chair. There is always more than enough room.

One of my favorite things about the Vineyard is how quickly a stranger could become a friend. We met someone on the ferry one day. A few hours later, we were at their house eating BBQ, laughing and talking like we had known each other for years rather than just a few hours. There was no elaborate plan. No one spent weeks coordinating calendars. There was no need to get all this history before sharing a table. They literally just opened the door. Where do they do that at?! This is what I am talking about! This is community. It can happen just like that when we are willing to make room for each other.

I hosted a potluck while we were on the Vineyard and invited friends, and my friends invited their friends. They came in like and fit in like they had been with us before.

The Vineyard reminds me of growing up in Norf Philly. Everyone knew each other. Someone was always cooking. People were always outside. Somebody might stop by and stay for a while. You didn’t always need an invitation. People just pulled up. That random doorbell ring and the joy in the “Heyyyyyyy” response when you opened the door. The older I get, the more I realize how much I miss this. There was something truly beautiful about the ease of being connected.

We are sooooo busy and soooo overscheduled. How did we get so accustomed to planning everything weeks or even months in advance that we sometimes forgot how to gather? We wait for birthdays, vacations, holidays, perfect weather, and the perfectly cleaned house (although my mom didn’t like no one coming over if her house wasn’t clean). Some of the best moments happen when none of it is perfect or planned.

When someone says, “Come through.” When somebody brings a bottle of wine. When somebody else brings a salad. When there isn’t enough seating, we pull up another chair. When the conversation gets good, and nobody is in a hurry to leave. When somebody you met that morning is sitting across from you that evening, laughing over a plate of food. That is the life I want to live. That doesn’t have to only exist on the Vineyard.

A life filled with people. A life where there is room for spontaneity and new friendships and old friends and family. A life where we break bread with one another and build relationships through the simple act of gathering. A life where joy isn’t something we have to chase. We create spaces where joy can find us. I want to bring that home from the Vineyard. Not just the memories. The way of living. The porch parties. The potlucks. The beach gatherings. Dinners that weren’t planned eight weeks ago. The friends who become family. The strangers who become friends. The invitation is simply: pull up. Why should this only exist on the Vineyard?! We should extend it. Bring it home to the mainland. Open the door. Set the tables. Call somebody. Invite somebody new. Just tell someone to pull up.